


Literally Literary

by AccidentallyTheWholeFanfic



Category: Harvest Moon, Harvest Moon: Back To Nature
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 23:11:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccidentallyTheWholeFanfic/pseuds/AccidentallyTheWholeFanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mary shares a few pearls of wisdom with Popuri on the fine art of crafting literature - including an unsettling lesson on the actual meaning of the oft-abused word "literally". Rated T for disturbing imagery, and Mary's freaky, dark side finally emerging.</p><p>Somehow, I missed the fact that I posted this TWO YEARS AGO and reposted it in March of 2016. becuz i dumm</p>
            </blockquote>





	Literally Literary

"W-well... Popuri... reproduction doesn't quite work  _that_  way..."

In the midst of a cool October afternoon, Mary Welvin and Popuri Aberlen sat together in a cozy nook of the Mineral Town Library, poring over a binder full of papers. In Mary's left hand, a red pen dangled loosely, tapping idly against her knee as her sharp eyes took in the story laid out before them.

"Well," Popuri chirped, peeping over Mary's shoulder, "Ariadne is a witch, you know? Can't their bodies work differently from ours? I mean, look at those Greek fairytales or whatever. Athena came out of Zeus's  _head._ " She scrunched her nose up in disgust.

Chuckling softly, Mary shrugged. "A point in your favor."

"And Voldemort came out of a  _cauldron_ ," the pink-haired girl continued, poking Mary playfully in the ribs.

"Ouch."

"Sorry." Giggling and shaking her head, she continued, "I mean, I guess I could make it less... I dunno, I like the idea of her licking a rainbow, though!"

Raising her eyebrows, Mary rolled the idea around and around in her head, trying to figure out what exactly bugged her about the whole process. Was it the rainbow snaking around Ariadne and squeezing her offspring out through her navel? That had to be it. Then again...

"We'll return to it later," Mary suggested, scanning further down the page and making noises of approval. "Very vivid imagery... ooh!" She laughed. "Well, she'll certainly be a very interesting mother!" Giggling, she drew a thumbs-up by a paragraph with an arrow pointing to it, scrawling "Great use of humor!" beside it.

Popuri cooed happily, wrapping her friend in a tight hug and ruffling her hair, causing the librarian to squeal. "Awww, Maryyyyy! Thank you!"

Gently disentangling herself, Mary shook her head and readjusted her glasses. "My pleasure. Now, let's see... ah." Underlining a word, she turned to look at Popuri. "Well, I've noticed you use this word here a lot... 'literally', that is," she clarified, jabbing her pen at the word in question.

"Mmmhmm?"

Fumbling for a diplomatic way to voice her concern while still getting the point across, Mary continued slowly: "Well.. the thing is, you do... tend to misuse it."

Popuri stared at her, eyebrows raised in question.

"Often."

Cocking her head to the side, Popuri twirled a lock of curly pink fluffy around her index finger. "Really? I mean, like... the words literally explode from her mouth because she's yelling so loud... right?"

Shaking her head, Mary turned back to the table, removing a clean sheet of paper from the back pocket of the binder, and beginning to write on it. "Not at all. You see, saying something is literally this, or literally that... means it's actually happening. A perfect example, if you will." At the confused stare she received in reply, she turned back and began to write some more. "You see, if words were to  _literally_  explode from someone's mouth..."

"THEN WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?!" Popuri shouted, the words literally exploding from her mouth, blowing her face apart from the force. Mary cried out as she was struck by the all-caps "THEN", coughing and choking on the dust and smoke. Wheezing, she looked up in horror at what remained of her friend-

" _Ewwww_!" Popuri cut in, shuddering. "Mary! That's really dark! And gross!"

"I'm sorry!" Mary gasped, throwing the pen down. "I don't know what came over me... I just got so caught up in the example, I - I-"

"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay!" Popuri whispered, embracing her trembling friend. She was literally wrapped around Mary like a snake, waiting to devour its prey.

"P...P-Popuri?" Mary squeaked, grunting as the pink, scaly skin pressed even tighter against her, crushing her ribs against her lungs. Her last words were gasped out weakly: "P... Po... stop..."

Popuri hissed in response, her gleaming red eyes impassive. Her jaw unhinged, fangs gleaming, and Mary beheld the forked tongue in morbid fascination as her friend bore down on her-

" _Wow_ , okay." The pink-haired girl beheld the page with wide eyes, literally bulging out of her head-

Screaming in agony, Popuri fell to the ground, writhing around. Hands clasped over her face, her eyes dangled and flapped feebly from their empty sockets. Her anguished pleas echoed around the library:

"PUT THEM BACK IN, MARY! PUT THEM BACK IN!"

Leaning back in the chair, Mary looked up at her fascinated, horrified friend. "You see what I'm talking about?"

A few wordless blinks - one, two, three - were her only response for a quiet minute.

"I...I think so..."

"Good!" Smiling, Mary stuffed the page back into the binder. "If you want, you can just keep those examples as a reminder... oh! Wait, I'll show you the right way to do it!" Pulling the page back out, she jotted a few quick notes onto the bottom. "You see, you'd want to use something that implies, rather than defines... words practically exploding, eyes all but bulging out of their sockets, wrapped around her almost like a snake, those sorts of descriptors. Or just employ similes and metaphors," she finished, scribbling out the final sentence with a bit of a flourish. "Just avoid making it literal unless it really is. Say, if someone tosses money into a trash can, they're literally throwing money away... you see?"

She grinned up at Popuri in earnest.

"I... I get it, yeah!" Popuri stuttered, reaching around Mary and snapping the binder shut. Gathering it up, she bent down to hug her friend again, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. "Thanks, Mary! Hey, I've gotta go get dinner ready, Karen's coming over tonight." Chewing her lip thoughtfully, she added," You wanna come?"

Mary shook her head. "Thank you very much, but my mother's making shepherd's pie tonight. I'd hate to miss it. But give Miss Lillia my love."

With a quick salute, Popuri turned toward the stairs, making her way down. "Got it!"

The moment she stepped outside of the library, however, she clutched the binder to her chest and shuddered, mulling over Mary's graphic examples of how she had been misusing "literally". Patting her face unconsciously, and rubbing her eyes, she shook her head.

_I think Mary literally went insane..._

**Author's Note:**

> Damn it, Popuri! What did she just tell you?! Another idea that just nagged at me until I wrote it - and I don't get a chance to write Mary very often. I think we all know she lets her dark and freaky sides out when she writes. She's gotta.
> 
> Well, feel free to leave a review, if you'd like. And don't forget what happens when you misuse the word "literally"...


End file.
